Now
heading into the 13th week of my STG-TESOL
course, it has been full of downs and only a few ups. My passion level for
teaching is at an all time low. My students are sucking the life right out of
me. I find myself wanting to quit the field of education (or at least teaching
children) more and more.
I started the STG
program with high enthusiasm. I decided months before the course that I wanted
to dedicate and shift my career from elementary education to
TESOL. As the STG course started I learned quickly that the last 4
years of my ESL teaching was ineffective. When I dedicated my life to
education, my biggest fear was letting students down. I desperately
wanted to change my teaching style and develop a new philosophy in my ESL
instruction. With the help of the instructors I learned so many new things that
I wanted to implement into my classroom and student discourse.
Here is where I hit a
major roadblock. This semester I teach 1st, 3rd and
5th graders. The students that I have are really giving me (and
apparently every teacher in the school) problems. Many of the students in the
school are ‘behavioral problems’ and can’t seem to focus during class. The
school’s test scores are close to the bottom when it comes to elementary
schools in Seoul. To add to the problems, a good amount of the students are from
mixed ethnicities. And talking with a few teachers, I found that for some
students, Korean is not their first language. Nothing seems to be working. I
try to activate schema, use CI’s, MIC’s, talking in pairs, seating
arrangements… nothing. Any ounce of freedom these students have and they go
insane. I waste a lot of time trying to get them back into focus (And yes, I
give them time limits). At some times I really think that a monologic
teacher-centered dynamic is what will really work, but I know that is not the
way I want to move forward. The students are used to teacher-centered classroom
for years. I really wonder how much difference I am making by trying to create
this student-centered discourse in my classroom. Every time I try, it feels
like the students are fighting with me, almost taunting me to go back towards a
teacher-centered role.
…Or maybe the problem
isn’t the students, it’s me… I don’t have the time to plan lessons that I
normally would anymore. Or maybe my expectations are too high for these
students and they are shutting off. All I know is that some days I feel like a
breakdown is coming soon.
How much is it lost passion, or burn out from doing the class?
ReplyDeleteI've learned too that I was an ineffectual teacher for the past 2 and half years, but the way I look at it, I should only look forward and not look back.
At my new school, the level of English is significantly lower than at my old school, so I can't do the same higher level activities as I was doing before. Granted, I've only been here two weeks, and my attitude may change. The students here talk too much. I get them to quiet down. And then 10 seconds later, they all start talking again. I've talked with another teacher, and he admitted to me that he has the same problem.
Stuart, I am more burnt out from my students more than the STG class. Trying to try/implement new ideas in a structured way is proving extremely challenging at times. My students are sucking the life right out of me and for the first time I feel like calling it quits. At moments, it seems like all the work and education I have gained throughout the years are wasted. I know that teachers always say that there are some years where you are handed a 'rough' group of kids. This just might be one of those years for me.
ReplyDeleteImplementing ideas is difficult, especially as we've been given so many new ideas from STG that there are probably too many to actually fit into a class. The way I see it is that we've been shown a way to teach, and although we understand the concepts like MIC, fully integrating them into our teaching style takes time, for example I know that my speech needs to be slower, or that sometimes I say someting in a way that isn't the simplest way possible, but still I sometimes do those old habits, especially in the heat of the moment in class. Eventually all of these new ideas will be absorbed into our teaching and we will be better teachers for it. Also, I think 'ineffective' is the wrong word, its more that when we started this course we were not '100% effective', so our students in the past learned from us, just they could have learned a little bit more. I'm sure your burn out from the students is also partly due to not getting the amount of rest and relaxation that you would normally get if not doing this course.
ReplyDeleteSteve, your right. It doesn't help that I'm a negative person by nature either. I think it's the fact that I really want to use all these things that are being introduced to us and I might be trying to hard and throw it all at the students at once.
ReplyDeleteLike Tom said, we have to adjust to our students' needs. And 13 weeks of changing your style is still a short time to break ideas of student perceptions of a teacher. If an "archaic" style of teaching is comfortable for your students who seem to be adjusting to a lot more than the average Korean student in an English as a foreign language classroom it's okay to use what's comfortable for them. Inch by inch get them tricked into seeing a teacher differently. I was afraid of doing too much repetition in my classes and got into a long conversation with my co-worker about it. But using more repetition than I would have liked was good help for my students. They are probably at a lower level than I hoped they were.
ReplyDeleteAnd because you have a passion for education that is why you want to continually and dramatically change yourself but you can apply all the things we are learning in a small way. Even the smallest change can make a big impact. So try not to think that all the teaching you've done is crap. Just think of it as a work in progress and keeping your deep-rooted love for teaching and your care for the students to learn as your center. And changing your teaching behavior is external to that center. JUST BREATHE MAN! :D You're doing fine.
Just think, you have your whole career to be changing and adjusting. Try not to do it all in 16 weeks.
This discussion needs a "LOVE" button I can click on :-) Maybe we can lead with this discussion in a generalized way (burn-out/"the thrill is gone").
ReplyDeleteI would fully accept that button! The thrill is definitely subsiding for sure.
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